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THE

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The beating

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THE

August 9th, 2020
BREAKING:
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College Road Man Furious After His Sex Bot Announces It Wants House With Bigger Garden And Plans To Train As Teaching Assistant

“It’s Been Looking On RightMove Since The Day I Bought It”

College Road bachelor Colin Campbell says that he’s considering legal action against the company that sold him a £12,000 “Middle Class Sex Bot”.

. . . it just sits there staring at its iPhone, drinking Blossom Hill Rosé and watching Love Island back-to-back . . .

a visibly frustrated Mr Campbell told The Lentil

I got it on Amazon Prime,  so it came really quickly . . . . unlike . . . .  (fidgets) . . .

 

. . . well let’s just say that I haven’t been able to  “venture up Recreation Road”  yet . . .

 

And now Mr Campbell say he wants either a refund or a free downgrade to the much simpler and uninhibited  “Bowthorpe” model

I thought Tuesday might be the night when Willy Wonka visited the William & Florence . . . . . .

 

. . . but it turns out she has  her yoga class . . . and then she’s meeting up with friends for cocktails in the Blue Joanna . . .

 

The eye-watering gadget can  spiralize a gherkin in 3 seconds

Mr Campbell is also claiming that the manufacturers failed to warn him about the integrated spiralizer which he says  could have caused him “life changing injuries

 

I mean, why does she want a house with a bigger garden when there’s only the two of . . . .

 

. . . oh crap . . . . . surely not . . . . . ?


1 of 3 (To be continued).

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