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The beating

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THE

September 22nd, 2020
BREAKING:
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Scientists Warn Global Prosecco Temperatures Could Rise 2 Degrees By 2050

Prosecco temperatures set to reach unacceptable levels by middle of century

Experts are warning that unless drastic action is taken immediately, the average glass of Prosecco could become catastrophically warm within 30 years.

Dr Hamid Asadi from the UEA’s Climatic Research Unit:

Warm Prosecco is a real threat and has been linked to deranged behaviour among Conservatives . . .

 

While the US administration is still in denial, here in Norwich we can all do our own little bit to reduce the effects of Prosecco Warming:

Dr Asadi’s advice:

  1. Drink Prosecco in the morning when temperatures are lower

  2. Drink Prosecco quickly to prevent dangerous CO2 bubbles escaping into the upper atmosphere

  3. Insulate your home to prevent warm air entering through cavity walls / loft

  4. Use Glacial Melt water / thawed Antarctic Ice Shelf to cool Prosecco

    Perfect – Drinking directly from the bottle in the John Lewis car park ensures emissions are minimised

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